Funny talkers we are

Why do Christians talk funny?

A case in point:

The first thing I will note is that you cannot say Hell is real and Heaven is real and the word real mean the same thing in both sentences. Whatever the reality of Heaven, Hell does not have such reality. Whatever the reality of Hell, Heaven is far beyond such reality.

Why do I scratch my head and say “Huh?” every time I try to read this? Non-Christians must think us daft, don’t you think?

I caught a preacher on the radio the other day and he was referencing the “vicarious emulation of Jesus, who was the propitiation of the world which brings us into a state of sanctification.” That makes my head hurt. I’ve got advanced degrees in this stuff and I still had to say “Huh?”

Certain every day vocabulary for the Christian is quite confusing for the uninitiated. “Witness,” “born again,” and “get saved” are three such examples.

“Witness” is a noun that is almost always used as a verb in church settings. “I’m gonna go witness to my neighbors.” Does that mean you’re going to go watch something happen so you can tell about it as a witness to the event? No. It means you’re going to tell your neighbors about Jesus; what you’re going to tell them and how you’re going to tell them is up for grabs.

“Born again;” well, I guess this one is understandable because it has messed folks up since Jesus first used it with Nicodemus almost 2,000 years ago. Unfortunately most Christians use it as though it were a communicable illness: “Did he get born again at the revival last night?” It sounds as though it might hurt.

“Get saved” is a good one. I tend to class it as poor grammar. I’m going to save the cat by rescuing it from the tree; I’m not going to get saved the cat nor get the cat saved (interesting theological concept, however).

If you are a Christian: please don’t do this with your friends who aren’t Christians. They will not understand what you are saying and may actually begin to feel pity for you because you don’t know how to talk.

If you are not a Christian: please don’t let us get away with this. Make us talk in an intelligible way. Remember, friends don’t let their Christian friends babble, unless they’re speaking in tongues, which is probably something else that freaks you out anyway.

 

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