This isn’t funny

I just got back from the dentist. Again.

I don’t like dentist. Again.

Both upper and lower lips are completely numb. I’m drooling on myself. I’m biting myself. I can’t talk right. My left nostril is completely numb. It feels like one of those cotton rolls they cram in your mouth is stuck up my nose. I keep sticking my finger up my nose to see if I can feel anything. Makes me look like I’m picking my nose, real deep. My left eyeball is numb. The receptionist thought I was winking at her. My eye is going dry because I can’t feel it to blink. My left ear is numb. Sticking my finger in my ear to see if I can feel anything. Makes me look like I’m cleaning out ear wax, real deep. Forgot I’d just stuck the same finger up my nose. At least I can’t feel the slime in my ear now.

Why, why, why do they insist in talking to you when you have metal instruments grappled around your teeth and sticking out of your mouth or four pairs of hands with lovely latex on them groping around inside your mouth? The female helper crams a long plastic pipe in my mouth and says “Close!” I do and it almost sucks my tongue from my mouth!

I don’t understand the combination of a) cold water, b) cold air, and c) a drill running at elevated levels of RPMs, all on the same tooth at the same time. They all hurt, even with novacaine! Combined it reminds me of some of the scenes out of the movie Boys from Brazil.

My only consolation?

I get to go back in three weeks… oh joy!

4 responses to “This isn’t funny

  1. he he, classic. Reminds me of the time my brother came out of wisdome tooth surgery all doped up and thought he was running for president. He kept trying to shake hands with everyone in the office.

    The question is, did the receptionist wink back?

  2. Actually she said, “that isn’t funny!”

    Unfortunately I had no clue what she was talking about until I drooled on the bill she handed me, tried to say something and only managed “Ey on’t unnertand…”

  3. Pingback: Dental Update « ru·mi·na·tions

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