Itsy, bitsy…

This may sound surprising to those of you who’ve seen me in action in Brasil.

I’m a fearless warrior who’ll take on tarantulas the size of a VW bug; I courageously enter rooms before the women-folk, killing spiders, tarantulas, scorpions, snakes and dinosaurs as though they were mere ants. And I do it at night, in poor lighting.

Either I’m getting soft in my older years or I’m being targeted by the relatives of all the critters I’ve “eliminated” in Brasil over the years. I really don’t think it’s the former. I think I’ve been put on a spider “hit list.”

I’m being stalked by a ninja spider!

It all started innocently Friday afternoon.

I opened the door of my vehicle. There was a small spider the size of a quarter on the door frame. As I went to send him to spider heaven, he jumped faster than lightning to the inside of the car, behind where the seat belt connects to the door frame. I peered around the frame and saw him, crouched and ready to spring. I slowly inched into the car to pick up a napkin to finish him off.

That was when it happened.

The moment I turned my head to reach the napkin, I saw a gray-black blur out of the  corner of my eye. He was leaping at my head!

Though my reflexes are good, in a confined space my ability to maneuver were limited. I spun to defend myself but hit the steering wheel. He had hit right above my right ear, drawing first blood. By the time I flew out of the car for better ground, he had disappeared, leaving me flailing away at my head like someone swatting a swarm of bees.

And just like that, he was gone!

I feverishly searched the car for him, but he had skillfully concealed himself, as talented ninja do.

Driving your car with the enemy artfully hiding within it is a bit disconcerting.

But all was quite until yesterday. He resurfaced…

First, he ran up my leg just as I was pushing in the clutch. I stalled the car in my furiously attempt to get him off me.

Then, he ran across my hand as it rested next to the window. I almost hit the car next to me trying to swat him.

Finally, he performed a perfect touch n’ go onto my neck. Fortunately, I was still in the parking lot at that time or I know I would have crashed.

Ever seen a grown man whimper?

He’s still in my car. And I have to drive it…


3 responses to “Itsy, bitsy…

  1. that’s when you just get several big formaldahyde soaked cotton balls and fumigate the sucker out.

    but then again…you probably can’t drive it.

  2. reminds me of the time i was cruisin’ in my runabout down the Intracoastal when a snake popped his head out of a storage hole. hello!!!

  3. Oooh! Snakes are not good. Any time or anywhere.

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